Dear Twitter,
Fuck you for suggesting I follow @WeightWatchers. Fuck you for thinking I am fat.
Sincerely,
Captain Cupcake
Dear Chobani
Dear Chobani,
I love you with all my heart. You are my favorite Greek yogurt. However, the fact that I cannot find your new lemon, black cherry and mango flavors in any stores within a 50 mile radius of Los Angeles makes me very, very, very sad. Don’t tease me with the promise of such yumminess!!! I have been the Greek yogurt equivalent of blue balled!!!
Sincerely,
Captain Cupcake
Dear Makers of the Kush Support
Dear Makers of the Kush Support,
Why not just call it a boob dildo and get it over with?
Sincerely,
Captain Cupcake
Dear Whitney Port
Dear Whitney Port,
I do believe I wore this exact dress in 1987. I was 9 years old at the time and it was the 80′s. What’s your excuse?
Sincerely,
Captain Cupcake
Dear Chocolate Almond Morning Bun
Dear Chocolate Almond Morning Bun,
You complete me.
Sincerely,
Captain Cupcake
(You can try the Chocolate Almond Morning Bun at Specialty’s Cafe & Bakery)
